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First Post!

12/11/2009

6 Comments

 
To tie-in with my January 2010 "Having a Plan" column I'm devising a

Top 10 Things to Know Before Your Parents Go List

Each week I'll address a topic I've learned after losing both parents to cancer.  Dad died at age 63 from mesothelioma (a fatal asbestos related cancer) and Mom at age 68 from a uterine sarcoma (a high fatality cancer).  They'd both been healthy, active people.  So they're deaths at relatively young ages came as a  sad shock.

I'd love and appreciate hearing anything you dear readers have to add based on your own experiences. 

For more information on mesothelioma click here 
http://mesothelioma.net
The first crucial thing to know:

Let yourself be sad and cry when your parents get sick and die.

    
People will tell you to buck up, be strong, keep a stiff upper lip and all that.  While no one wants to dissolve into a puddle and be unable to function we don't need to be Superman or Wonder Woman when faced with the imminent death of a parent. 

     There's strength in vulnerability.  It's okay for us to cry in front of our children.  That way they'll know we're hurting.  Maybe they'll even be nicer to us as a result.  My oldest teenaged daughter lost some of her tough 'tude when she saw me cry.  She asked, "Is everything okay Mom?"  After I recovered from my initial shock that she'd pulled herself away from Facebook long enough to notice, I realized that witnessing my sadness enabled her to be empathetic.  Empathy is good - especially in teenagers.

     A lot of people get VERY squeamish regarding the subject of terminal illness and death.  They might say things you don't want to hear like "People survive cancer if they keep a positive attitude" or "Your mother is in a better place."  Let's face it - death and dying aren't fun topics.  No one likes talking about them at cocktail parties.  We live in a death-denying, youth-worshiping culture.

     So what to do?  Tap into your friends that can handle it - that can cry along with you or let you cry.  Seek out people that have lost one or both parents because they can definitely relate.  If you can't find a  soul that wants to listen to death talk, find a therapist, grief counselor or support group.  Find a sympathetic ear somewhere!  Then cry it out.  You'll feel better!!

6 Comments
lilyanne
12/13/2009 01:10:20 pm

you should comment

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bobbie
12/13/2009 01:11:04 pm

it is sad when people die

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joe
12/13/2009 01:12:15 pm

i cried when my dad died

Reply
Rich Leib
12/13/2009 01:23:23 pm

that was a great story!

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air max 2009 link
3/28/2011 04:38:58 pm

You write good articles, I will always be concerned about

Reply
shoujo link
7/29/2012 04:16:42 pm

Was just taking a break and wanted to post here

Reply



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